It’s easy to get caught comparing yourself to others, but you don’t have to stay stuck. Here’s how you can break free.

The second of three blog posts in a series about discovering who you are and how you present yourself to the world.
Do you ever find yourself scrolling through Instagram, looking at everyone’s perfect lives, and wondering why you don’t have it all together? Maybe you see someone’s latest vacation photos while you’re still in your pajamas, or you’re struggling to focus while everyone else seems to be reaching their goals. It feels like everyone else is thriving—posting about their achievements, vacations, or relationships—while you’re stuck, feeling overwhelmed. You may feel left out, frustrated, or wonder if you’ll ever catch up. If this sounds familiar, you’re definitely not alone.
For many young women, platforms like TikTok and Instagram make it incredibly easy to fall into the social comparison trap. The more we compare ourselves to others’ highlight reels, the worse we often feel about our own lives. And for those of you who are constantly putting pressure on yourselves—always striving to be better—this can make things even harder. Often, social comparison happens without us even realizing it. You’re just scrolling, then suddenly, you’re questioning yourself or feeling inadequate. This cycle can sneak up on anyone.
Why do we fall into this trap?
On social media, everyone gets to present a "perfect" version of their lives. The vacation photos, the stylish outfits, the seemingly effortless success—it’s all curated. And maybe you feel the pressure to curate your own posts, carefully selecting only the best moments to fit in. But the more we craft these ideal versions of ourselves, the further we drift from what feels real. You end up comparing your messy, imperfect life to someone else’s exaggerated, filtered moment, which can leave you feeling disconnected from who you truly are. This is how we get stuck in the cycle of comparison.
Algorithms feed us content that’s engaging but often unrealistic. When you constantly see curated versions of reality, it’s hard not to compare. If you’ve ever felt like you don’t measure up or like you’re the only one who’s struggling, it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because social media is designed to make us focus on these comparisons. Even when we know that what we are seeing isn't always the full picture, it can still make us experience more self-doubt, anxiety, and stress.
Social Comparison and Gen Z's Instagram Use
Research shows that social comparison for adolescents and young adults often happens on social media. In my own doctoral research (discussed in my authenticity post), I found that younger members of Gen Z who scored higher in social comparison also reported lower levels of authenticity. In other words, when you’re not fully connected to who you are—your values, goals, and identity—you’re more likely to compare yourself to others. But if you're still figuring out who you are and what authenticity means to you, that’s completely okay. Authenticity develops over time and with experience, and it’s a journey you’re allowed to take at your own pace.
Even if you sometimes find yourself caught in the social comparison trap, developing a strong sense of authenticity can help you resist letting those comparisons define how you present yourself online. When you're more connected to who you are and what you value, the pressure to curate a "perfect" version of your life lessens. In Part 3 of this blog series, we’ll dive deeper into self-presentation and explore how to align your online persona with your true self.
Breaking Free from the Comparison Cycle
Social media comparisons might make you feel like you’re not enough, but the truth is, you already have the strength and resilience to break free from this cycle. By focusing on who you are, not who you think others want you to be, you can create a life that feels true to you. Here are a few steps to help shift your perspective:
No one’s life is perfect—even if it looks that way.
Did you see someone on TikTok nailing their workout routine or hitting a big milestone? That doesn’t diminish your progress. The small steps you’re taking—whether it’s getting out of bed on a tough day or setting a boundary—are just as important. Celebrate your own milestones, no matter how small they may seem. Did you finish a challenging assignment? Take time to appreciate that achievement! Did you step outside your comfort zone? That’s huge!
Curate your feed to lift you up.
Follow accounts that make you feel inspired, not insecure. Fill your feed with positive, relatable content that speaks to who you are, not who you “should” be. Your feed should be a source of positivity, not pressure.
Take breaks when it feels too much.
It’s okay to step away when social media starts to overwhelm you. Giving yourself permission to take a break can help you reconnect with what really matters to you.
Cultivate self-compassion.
Treat yourself as you would a friend—encourage yourself, remind yourself of your strengths, and validate your feelings. It’s okay to struggle; it doesn’t diminish your worth or accomplishments. You’re learning and growing every day, and that’s a journey worth celebrating.
Remember, you are so much more than the number of likes, followers, or comments you get. Your journey—no matter how messy, uncertain, or complicated it feels right now—has value. Every small step forward, every time you show up, is a victory. So, the next time you catch yourself falling into the comparison trap, take a breath and ask yourself: Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel? Where you are today is exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re growing, learning, and figuring it out—and that’s enough. You are enough, exactly as you are.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the comparison trap and want to explore how it’s impacting your self-esteem and well-being, I’m here to help. Together, we can work through these feelings and help you connect with who you truly are—without the pressure of what you "should" be. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation.
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